THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS: VALLEY OF BONES (Harald Zwart 2013)

[Chris Knipp]

Harald Zwart: THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS: VALLEY OF BONES (2013)


JAMIE CAMPBELL BOWER AND LILY COLLINS IN THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS, VALLEY OF BONES

Cassandra Clare land, where all the sad young men hunt demons, or are them

Rene Rodriguez of the Miami Herald is more of an expert on current supernatural silliness for young adults than I am. "Start with a heaping helping of Buffy the Vampire Slayer," he writes, "Throw in some Percy Jackson, a dash of Twilight, a spoonful of The Vampire Diaries and a sprinkling of Harry Potter, and you end up with The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones." Or if you are a reader of Cassandra Clare's YA novels, you're working from there. Even without that expertise, the double title tells you this is part of a series, planning on being he beginning a "franchise." Indeed Harald Zwart (who directed the new Karate Kid) already has "City of Ashes" in pre-production. We can all agree on one thing, that the boys are cute and have cheekbones for days and they're British, even when they're plying American in the movie. The insider ones, Shadowhunters I think they call them, are covered with big black rune tattoos and wear skinny leather jeans. Is it surprising that Jonathan Rhys Meyers is in their number? The girl is cute too and her name is Clary Fray (Lily Colins, who has impressive eyebrows). We can also agree, if we're open-minded, that this movie start out with a good deal of bounce, but eventually becomes buried in its own absurd over-complexity.

Clary lives in Brooklyn with her British mom, an artist named Jocelyn (Lena Headey). While she's out her mom calls and warns her not to come home. It turns out some nasties have come calling. Jocelyn battles them but they leave a snarling dangerous beastie that Clary battles when she does, after all, come home. Enter the bleach-blond Jace (Jamie Campbell Bower), first and foremost of the skinny, cheekboned, leather-clad lads, who will be a rival for Clary's affections with bestfriend Simon (Robert Sheehan, who's Irish but plays American). Jace starts explaining Cassandra Clare's worldview to Clary, and to us. She's, maybe, a "Mundane," what we'd normally call an ordinary mortal. But maybe she isn't. Her mom, who's now missing and later turns up in a magical trance, is a Shadowhunter, like Jace, who battles the forces of evil. Demons and such. There's a goblet thingie they've lost track of that's very important. They've got an Institute, a giant palatial building right in Manhattan, though Mundanes can't see it. (This is the Harry Potter bit, I guess.) Maybe Clary has wonderful powers that Jocelyn has deliberately masked, but which, if brought out, can make her a huge asset to the Shadowhunters, and help them get that goblet back.

And maybe Jace and Clary are going to fall in love, thus breaking Simon's heart, because he's one of those shy best friends who's really mad about the girl he's "pals" with. And he shows he's still a contender for Clary's affections and for a key role in the story once he does some Very Brave Things -- and takes his glasses off, finding he doesn't need them any more. Girls are more likely to make passes at boys who take off their glasses.

Of course it gets much more complicated than this, partly because this is the first movie in which everything has to be explained. And I mean everything. Way more than you'll ever need or want to know. And -- Spoiler Alert! -- Jonathan Rhys Meyers, known here as Valentine, is going to show up claiming to be the father of both Jace and Clary thus putting the kibosh on their budding romance. There are various other handsome young men, who look sort of alike, including Alex (Kevin Zegers, who looks a bit like Rhys Meyers). There's also a campy-cute Asian young man found at Brooklyn's number one Satanic goth nightclub, a warlock known as Magnus Bane (Godfrey Gao): he wears a lot of makeup, and hot pants. Are warlocks gay? There's a witch, who's black (CCH Pounder). And there are werewolves. There's even a bad poet (Chris Ruiz).

These actors hail from desirable venues like Game of Thrones, The Borgias, Gossip Girl, Camelot. The one older man allowed into the honorable company of Shadowhunters, known as Hodge, is played by Jared Harris, whom you may remember as the forceful British executive Lane Price from Mad Men.

What all this adds up to is that Mortal Instruments isn't the flop the critics think it is, because either in cinemas or at home lots of girls are going to want to watch it. Zwart directs with a certain amount of dash and an occasional light touch. We shouldn't be too hard on Zwart, Cassandra Clare, or the screenplay writer Jessica Postigo for stealing from a lot of popular sources for their material. Shakespeare did that too. That doesn't make The Mortal Instruments Shakespeare, but it does make it typical pop entertainment with wider appeal than you might think and a very ancient history.

The Mortal Instruments: Valley of Bones, 130 mins., released 12 August 2013.