The Worst Films of 2002

[dave durbin]

1. Swept Away

-Madonna rolled over in bed one morning and purred to Guy Ritchie, "Mama wants to make a movie." And so, the Material Girl's fantasy about being dominated was played out and spewed onto the American public who quickly rejected it. (PS-Note to Madonna: eat something, gain some weight, enjoy your life, you're Madonna for Chrissake!)


2. The Rules of Attraction

-Any movie that opens with a drunk college guy vomiting on the beautiful girl he's raping can only go up from there, right?..........Wrong. (PS-the moral of the story? Don't go to college.)


3. Auto Focus


-Bad film that plays out like a series of sleazy moving flashcards to tell the tragic tale of Bob Crane; it doesn't even have the power of the E! True Hollywood Story on Mr. Crane and it covers the same territory! Paul Schrader is a terrible filmmaker and should never again be allowed money to make a movie! (EVER!)


4. Death to Smoochy

-Abysmal, painfully unfunny satire from Danny DeVito. Ed Norton & Catherine Keener are good actors but neither is exactly known for being a laugh riot and you need a sense of humor to do comedy. Robin Williams's performance will have you scrambling for the 'off' button on your remote control. Just read a book instead.


5. Unfaithful

-Picture it: Gus Van Sant and Adrian Lyne are drunk in a bar discussing Hitchcock and Chabrol and trying to figure out where they went wrong. (PS- yes, Diane Lane and Richard Gere are fine.)


6. Full Frontal

-Steven Soderberg is a terribly dull, overrated filmmaker who has disguised himself for years as an independent hipster but who's really a Hollywood boy that's been waiting to happen. (PS-had I known about this site last year I would have included Ocean's Eleven on my Worst of 2001 list.......so I'll just mention it here.)


7. Murder by Numbers

-Sandra Bullock has charm but lacks the depth and power needed to play an emotionally scarred woman running from the past. Ryan Gosling is the new 'It' boy but how many times can people be impressed by good-looking, slim young men with sex appeal who turn up in bad movies and keep you awake whenever they're on-screen? (PS- that ending! Phew!)


8. Igby Goes Down

-Boring mess that appeals to the younger alternative-wannabe crowd who find it to be 'deep' and that it, says things man! It's dark, dude! It's got ,like, great dialogue that's funny and it's like different from all that Hollywood crap 'cuz it's more real and I can relate to his journey, 'ya know?! F*** 'The Graduate', 'Catcher in the Rye', movies by John Hughes and that Stillman guy, 'The Young Poisoner's Handbook', books by Brett Easton Ellis & Douglas Coupland & David Sedaris! This is IT!!! (PS- yes, Kieran Culkin was fine.)


9. The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

-Who could get past the title? And I would like to take a moment and say that I have an irrational reaction to Ashley Judd: she's a beautiful woman but I cannot stand her as an actor. Charlize Theron yes, Ashley Judd no!


10. Life or Something Like It


Edward Burns is a good-looking young man. Then he opens his mouth. Angelina Jolie is a good-looking young woman. Then she opens her mouth.


Honorable mention: 'Signs' -a laugh riot! And the trailers for 'Shanghai Nights' & the Requiem for a Dream-knockoff 'Spun'. I could not bear the thought of having to sit through Jackass, Crossroads, Mr. Deeds, or Solaris or I'm sure I would have mentioned them here.

[pmw]

Wow, did you see all of those? Forutnately I didnt see any of them, although I thought about Auto Focus. Im interested to know your best of 2002 list. You can add them to this thread:

best of 2002 thread

P

[dave durbin]

I don't think I can do a 10 Best List. (After slogging through all this shit I was scared off of movies for awhile.) I loved Far from Heaven and Adaptation but I haven't seen your 3 recommendations or The Pianist, Frida, 25th Hour, Spider, Russian Ark, Bloody Sunday, Storytelling, or All or Nothing........ and now I think I just realized what my problem is.

[pmw]

Thats terrrible!! There were some greats this year. Take a look at the thread and keep your eyes peeled for their dvd release...
P

PS but I understand where you're coming from. There was a lot of crap out there to sift through.

[dave durbin]

Thanks again for being sympathetic; I intend to do some serious catching up over the weekend so I'll hopefully have something more than just emotional scars by next week. I am grateful for this site for turning me on to a few new films though. Keep the peace.

[Johann]

Hmm. I agree with you on all films but two.
Igby Goes down was an enjoyable night out for me. While I can't say it was "classic", it did entertain me- Jeff Goldblum was a riot (remember his pants around his ankles? wtf was that?!) and I WORSHIP Claire Danes- I even wrote to her in 1996- she sent me back an autographed postcard that said "Best of Everything!" I'm her fan for life.

Auto Focus was a decadently painful film to watch, but I thought it was great. Willem Dafoe is a jack of all trades. He can do ANYTHING. Greg Kinnear is an actor who should be a force to be reckon with in the future. He's a ticking acting time-bomb to me. he'll win an oscar someday. He's just gotta get "The Role".

[JustaFied]

Pretty funny descriptions of these movies. Thankfully, I guess, I haven't seen any of them.

But, why are you so down on Paul Schrader? I thought "Affliction" was a well-done movie, especially with the acting of Nolte and Coburn. Pretty haunting movie, I thought, in showing Nolte's isolation and loneliness.

Also, don't knock "The Graduate", though I agree that "Catcher in the Rye" has become a bit cliched.

Again, great list. I'll be sure to avoid all of the films mentioned, unless one's showing on a plane flight and I have no other choice.

[dave durbin]

I wasn't knocking The Graduate -I love the movie and I own the DVD- I used those examples because they've become pretty popular pop culture icons among the post-teenage/post-college crowd looking for a rebellious voice to soothe their teen angst. (They're like the reflections of the times if you will.)

I haven't seen Affliction -and I love Nick Nolte- yet but I've only been impressed by Schrader's writing & screenplays. His direction is something to be desired.

[Perfume V]

Originally posted by dave durbin
Madonna rolled over in bed one morning and purred to Guy Ritchie, "Mama wants to make a movie." And so, the Material Girl's fantasy about being dominated was played out and spewed onto the American public who quickly rejected it. (PS-Note to Madonna: eat something, gain some weight, enjoy your life, you're Madonna for Chrissake!)

I desperately want to see this film. It could turn out to be the most enjoyable bad movie since Showgirls (which, if you haven't seen it, is staggeringly funny and should be watched post haste. Honest!). I'm amazed that there are already Madonna apologists on IMDb.com saying that if you give it a chance, it's a really good romantic comedy.

Yes, folks, a really good romantic comedy.

This is a film about a nasty woman whose personality is improved by frequent beatings and a rape. Then she falls in love with her attacker. I mean, no-one finds this a bar to their movie entertainment? No-one found this a bit iffy? Jesus Christ. The project's sheer wrong-headedness can be gauged by Guy Ritchie's claim that people were offended by the beatings "even though it was done with a bit of humour." Actually, Guy, you overrated chucklehead, I think you'll find people were offended because it was done with a bit of humour.

Honorable mention: 'Signs' -a laugh riot!

Thank you! The word 'genius' is frequently abused these days, but it is rarely savaged harder than when it is applied to the inch-deep marshmallow mystic M Night Shyalaman. I'm sure we all know how hilarious the ending and the sledgehammer-subtle religious message is, but for me, the most entertaining thing was imagining an alternative version in which we see Mel Gibson hunting down the aliens, then finding and accidentally killing a dimwit yokel holding a plank and a bit of string. I mean, come on! Crop circles? Give me something you can believe in, like David Icke. ;)

[JustaFied]

I ran across this quote from Jeff Tweedy, of Wilco fame, about the movie "Signs". Pretty funny stuff:

<I saw one movie that could have been the worst I've ever seen: Signs. It's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. It's just such a closed view of the world, like Night of the Living Dead crossed with a propaganda film for late Christianity. Its view of the outside world seems a lot like George W. Bush's. The aliens might as well have been wearing turbans. It was abysmal. >

[dave durbin]

That is funny. And very true.

[SinjinSB]

You've got some doozies (several of which I've seen), but I'll put up my worst three against those:

1) Swimfan
2) My Little Eye
3) Super Troopers

[Johann]

Please! Ignore Ritchie's "Swept Away". If you haven't seen the original by Wertmuller, then RENT IT NOW and forget you ever thought about seeing the remake.
To quote LL Cool J: Keep it real, bra.

Terrible terrible film which robbed me of ten bucks.

[dave durbin]

You've inspired me! Let's talk about how Americans should NOT remake foreign classics! It's an absolute joke when it happens and makes me ashamed to be living here! Go to the main General Film Forum page.