Painfully Bad Movies

[Chris Knipp]

Well, let's see. We're talking about Painfully Bad Movies. How much pain do you want to endure? I'm pretty patient and I only walk out of really really bad movies, or ones that disintegrate 3/4 of the way through. Recently Pirates of the Caribbean was such a one -- quite fun at first, but descending into tedium towards the end.

Battlefield Earth I saw with an old friend and mentor of mine in Santa Fe. It was a nice outing while I was visiting her. She delights in absurdity and had a wonderful time laughing at the sheer awfulness of it all. I'd never have dreamt of suggesting our walking out. If I'd been alone, I might have bolted. As it is, it was an experience we enjoy remembering.


The possibility of auditorium-surfing in big cineplexes has altered the picture. So many movies, so little time! Now sometimes, alone, or with a friend, I sample several movies, half an hour of each, just to see what stuff people are watching -- or, more often, watch all of one movie and part of another. Cabin Fever--half an hour was more than enough. Cet amour-la--half an hour was just right. Austin Powers Goldmember--fifteen minutes was fine. I sampled Identity that way, dropped in to see about the first 20 minutes -- but then had to come back another day and see the whole thing. IT was fun!

Rental videos (which I don't do so often lately) are less of a commitment in every way, hence the possiblity of impulsively resorting to EJECT or FAST FORWARD. With moviegoing of the theatrical sort, you make quite a different commitment of time and money and you are less willing to trash it, dump your popcorn and forget about your nine dollars.

Of course if you've watching a DVD of a movie you've bought but never previously seen, that's yet another situation, and I dare say you're going to watch all of it and make sure you like it if humanly possible.

www.chrisknipp.com

[BritishSteel]

Originally posted by oscar jubis
Originally posted by BritishSteel "Sense and Sensibility" with Emma Thompson. If that had been a stage play I would be heckling the whole way through.

You'd love to run into BS at your local theatre's production of Emma, wouldn't you?

I'm sorry Jubis, but I was born and bread in Britain.
The Bronte's were crap, almost all literature of that time by female authors is utter rubbish and should be trashed.

All of their stories are about daft one-dimensional characters, men who are wooden creatures, bad guys and romantic prince charming types and all the women are weak lily-livered tarts who spend all their time wearing big hats and talking about who they can and can't marry.

Totally co-dependant, totally dis-empowering to women and giving young women completely false ideas about romance.

I had to study a whole lot in the two years in college I took of classic literature. It was hell.


British Steel

[Ilker81x]

Normally I do watch a movie until the very end, so unfortunately you did catch me at one of the few exceptions where I just couldn't muster the energy to endure anymore. I understand that "Pumpkin" is a satire and that it was probably kind-hearted, but it just couldn't keep my interest beyond those first 30 minutes. While I agree some movies take awhile to get going, and again usually I am willing to sit through it and wait for the real points of the movie to show through, I just couldn't with "Pumpkin." Those first 30 minutes (on widescreen DVD actually, not video) had me feeling ready to wretch. I have no problem with romantic comedies either, just that the majority of them suck, but I can usually watch them.

You are welcome to how you see it, and I applaude you for being able to watch it, and for having an intelligent viewpoint on that movie. I guess it's just one of those rare cases for me where I just couldn't watch it. The first 30 minutes of "Pumpkin" bothered me to such an extent that I couldn't watch the rest. That's just me though. And yes "Battlefield Earth" did suck.

[Chris Knipp]

No problem. One man's meat is another man's poison. Pumpkin skirts the edge between satire and bad movie, as do Mike White's early efforts.

[Johann]

Undercover Brother is a DVD I rented yesterday and I must post to warn members of it's badness.

This is a poor man's Austin Powers, only it spoofs black culture.
I watched this film being shot in vancouver and it looked like it could be good.

It sucks sour frog ass.

The jokes about "The Man" are flat, as are the booty-jive-panther-fried chicken-pick comb references and the "villain" is the biggest insult to my funny bone ever: CHRIS KATTAN. He's not funny to me. Billy Dee William's self-deprecating Malt Liquor spoof is proof that he's either the laziest actor in Hollywood or he likes the oblivion he's resided in since his Lando days.

Horribly bad movie. I only laughed at one joke but it got old after it was used too many times: UB logs on to his e-mail and his computer says "You've got soul!"

[Chris Knipp]

I just had an inspiration: Christopher Atkins in A Night in Heaven (1983). Some people think Blue Lagoon was unusually bad. It's Citizen Kane compared to this embarassing stinker.

The amazing thing is that Chris Atkins has made about 48 movies and TV shows (well, been in them) since Blue Lagoon. More power to him. It's no fun for your career to tank from day one.