There was no plot, the jokes weren’t funny, the characters were unlikeable, and I didn’t even learn anything about Greek culture (as I was hoping to) by watching this snoozefest. This movie was so dull, I had to keep myself entertained by looking for product placements. (I spotted a UPS truck, Miller Lite beer, and a lot of Windex.)

It’s almost always a good sign when a film intended for adults has a PG or G rating (it usually means the writers aren’t resorting to falling back on good old, reliable sex humor), but My Big Fat Greek Wedding was an exception. The audience I was with found the phrase “I have three testicles” absolutely hilarious; for a PG film, the profanity is excessive. And, as in all films, the couple has to have sex before they get married. The sex, at least, is implicit; the couple are first making out in a car (a scene that goes on way too long), they then make out in the boyfriend’s apartment (the girl literally jumps on him, which was supposed to funny), and then, of course, they end up in bed together. Finally, they get married. (These values are pretty typical for Hollywood, of course, but I couldn’t help but wonder what the kids sitting in front of me were learning by watching this.)

I might have been able to put up with all of this if the story was any good, but it wasn’t; it was just plain predictable. The main character, Toula, spots a good-looking guy at the beginning, they date throughout the course of the movie, and they marry at the end. The closest thing to a conflict is the father’s desire to have Toula marry another Greek, but this is barely touched on.

This movie simply wasn’t entertaining; and it wasn’t even educational. Come to think of it, the only thing I got out of it was a strange desire to buy Windex.